Friday, 2 January 2015
As 2014 drew to a close I started to think about what the over riding lesson was that I had been trying to learn during the year. There is always one I reckon, the one you keep repeating over and over. You would think we would notice that we keep finding ourselves in the same situations, having the same thoughts, repeating the same patterns but no we frequently seem oblivious. It's as though we are asleep.
Rather than ruminating over all the negative situations I had found myself in over the past twelve months, a sure recipe for getting lost in my mind labyrinth, I decided instead to think about my poems. Why? I'm not really sure, perhaps it was what my good friend Peter would call pre-symbolic thought - the thought before you squeeze it into words.
So I reflected over all the poems I had written during the last year and paused at each one for a brief moment to feel what energy resonated within me. What was I doing? I was looking for the one poem that triggered something in both my heart and my solar plexus. The heart because I wanted to feel with my soul and my solar plexus because this place is linked to my sense of self, my ego, It is connected to both power and fear. It's that spot that triggers those mind monkeys. The pesky little fuckers who pop up every now and then to help you do such an excellent job of self sabotage.
Well it didn't take me long to find the one poem and I had to laugh at the synchronicity and irony behind the title - Letting go.
Sometimes in life things aren't meant to be,
as it is with you and me,
And though lost and hurt in my despair,
a shattered heart, bleeding, aching, for repair,
I'm not the missing piece of which you speak,
I cannot make you whole, complete,
You see my love, you are already whole,
all pieces reside within your soul,
The lesson for me is letting go,
and through this act peace can grow,
My love for you was always meant to be,
but not to hold you fast, no, it was to set you free.
Yes 2014 had been very much a lesson about letting go and as the year drew to an end I found myself thinking about how tightly I held on to things that were no longer healthy, that did not help me grow. I'm surprised my knuckles hadn't turned white with the extent of my clinging. Well it's time to give my knuckles a well earned rest and to stop prolonging my suffering. Why do we do that? If a friend was suffering we would have compassion for them but yet we struggle to have compassion for ourselves. I'm not a big believer in setting New Years Resolutions, probably because I fear failure. Well maybe this year I should at least put out the intention to be compassionate to myself and when I don't quite hit the mark give myself a big hug and not let the demon monkeys beat me too hard with a stick.
Wishing you all unconditional love for 2015 xx.